Alloalex's Blog


Madame Edith

Filed under: Uncategorized — alloalex @ 23:40

Madame Edith is known for her bad singing. She is also oblivious to Rene’s extra-marital affairs: though she often suspects, Rene always has a ready excuse.

Madame Edith


1. To sing, badly. Whenever Madame Edith breaks into song, everybody has to stick their fingers (earplugs) into their ears. The last one to do so has to drink.
Madame Edith is like an audio version of the Thumb Master.
Q: would it work to give everybody a pair of earplugs? Fingers are too simple: drunken hands searching for their earplugs could be more amusing? Cheese won’t work.

2. Edith has to try to catch Rene embracing another lady, and to challenge him, e.g. “Rene! What are you doing ‘olding that servant girls in your arms?” Rene of course has to come up with a suitably unbelievable excuse.

3. If we find ourselves in a bar with karaoke, Madam Edith has to sing.

Anything else??

Catch-phrase: ???


Lieutenant Gruber

Filed under: Uncategorized — alloalex @ 23:38

Lieutenant Gruber

A German officer on leave from the Russian front, with a crush on René and an eye for the pretty boys. He drives a little tank, and forges paintings.


1. Gruber has to buy a drink for another man. Not just any man, but a man selected by Rene.

2. Gruber has to forge the painting of the Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies. Rene will provide the model, Gruber has to draw him.

3. Gruber then has to sell the painting.

Anything involving the little tank??


The British Airmen

Filed under: Uncategorized — alloalex @ 00:06

Shot down over France, they must be hidden from the Germans until they can be safely returned to England.


Officer Fairfax

1. To hide from Herr Flick. At certain pubs, the Airmen will be given a head-start to go and hide. Herr Flick will then have 2 minutes in which to find them.

Officer Carstairs

2. The Airmen had to blend in with the locals on many occasions, without attracting attention. In a couple of pubs, the Airmen will have to go and sit with another group of people and act as if they belong with that group.

3. ??? Something with forged papers? Some kind of ID check? Or they have to try to pay for their drinks at the bar with Monopoly money?

4. The airmen are never seen apart. Does that mean they always to go to the toilet together?

Catchphrases: “Hello!”

And: “What did he say?”


Yvette Carte-Blanche

Filed under: Uncategorized — alloalex @ 13:15

A waitress in the cafe who loves Rene, she is responsible for entertaining the Germans in return for keeping the cafe supplied with butter, sugar, etc.


Yvette Carte-Blanche

1. Yvette’s tool of seduction (apart from the lingerie) was a stick of celery. During the course of the evening, Yvette will have to tickle three men with her celery.

2. Yvette would throw her arms around Rene with a long growl of “Oooooooh, Rene!” In the first four pubs, each time Madame Edith goes to the toilet, Yvette must do this, without Madame Edith returning in time to catch them embracing.

3. Would it be unreasonable to expect Yvette to get a man to buy her a drink?

Catchphrase: “Oooooooh, Rene!”

Officer Crabtree

Filed under: Uncategorized — alloalex @ 13:05

The idiot English policeman who thinks he can speak French.

Officer Crabtree


1. On the way to each pub, he has to stop somebody in the street to ask directions: “Good moaning. We are licking for a pube called …..”

2. At each bar, he has to order a drink: “Good moaning. I would lick two pants. Two pants of…..”
And in one bar: “I would like a whoskey and cock.”

3. Somehow has to work into the conversation, preferably with strangers, phrases like:
“I was pissing by the door when I heard two shats.”
“You are holding in your hind a smoking goon. You are clearly the guilty potty.”
“The troon carrying the sissage has been bummed by the RAF. There are little pissers all over the track.”
“I admit my Fronch cod be butter.”

Catchphrase: “Good moaning.”

Captain Alberto Bertorelli

Filed under: Uncategorized — alloalex @ 12:39

The womanising Italian with what looks like a chicken on his head.


Captain Bertorelli

1. To take the hand of a lady in each pub, and say “Da Beautiful-a Liedee I kiss-a de ‘and-a” and to kiss her hand.

2. To serenade three ladies (“Oh sole mio” – the Cornetto version should be sung at least once.)

3. ???
He also had an eye on Madame Edith….

Maybe has to collect 10 medals if we give him a medal for each lady he kisses/serenades? (When asked about his medals, Bertorelli replied : “The first row are for service in Abyssinia. The second row are for service in North Africa.” The last row? “They are for servicing Fiats!”).

Catchphrase: “What a mistake-a to make-a!”

Herr Flick of the Gestapo

Filed under: Uncategorized — alloalex @ 12:28

Otto Flick’s mission is to recover the painting of the “Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies” for Hitler.

Herr Flick

1. To find the painting. This, of course, is hidden in a knockwurst. The knockwurst has to be passed from character to character without Herr Flick noticing. The knockwurst may only be passed while Herr Flick is in the room.
2. To catch the British Airmen. In certain pubs, the Airmen will be given a 2-minute head-start to hide. Herr Flick then has 2 minutes to find them.
3. To sing the Gestapo Hokey Cokey:
“You put your right boot in! You take your right boot out! You do a lot of shouting and you shake your fists about! You light a little smokie and you burn down ze tovn! Zat’s vot it’s all about! Ahh…Himmler, Himmler, Himmler…”

Catchphrase: “Flick, the Gestapo.”

Alex’s Stag Night

Filed under: Uncategorized — alloalex @ 01:08

Collecting ideas together for the characters who shall be celebrating Alex’s Stag Night.

The characters are:
Madame Edith
Michelle of the Resistance
Yvette (waitress)
Mimi (waitress)
Leutenant Grueber
Herr Flick of the Gestapo
British Airman 1 (Carstairs)
British Airman 2 (Fairfax)
Monsieur Alphonse (undertaker)
Captain Bertorelli (the Italian captain)
Officer Crabtree (English policeman)


Filed under: Uncategorized — alloalex @ 00:42

It all revolves around Rene.


Rene Artois

1. Not quite true to the story, but since we need the famous painting by van Klomp, “The Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies,” Rene has to draw this to get the evening going. The ‘painting’ will feature in other challenges during the night.

2. Rene has to maintain his affairs with his waitresses, while keeping Madame Edith in the dark, and Lieutenant Grueber sweet.

3. In honour of his many love affairs and double-dealing with the Resistance and the Germans, Rene has to buy a drink for each character during the night, without anybody noticing/commenting.

4. Towards the end of the night, Rene will have to sell the painting (it’s for his retirement fund, after all) to a stranger. Doesn’t matter if it’s for 10p or for 10 quid, but it has to be for hard cash.

5. Can we get a skirt, a blonde wig and a pair of fake breasts for Rene? He then has to pose in the middle of the pub, modelling the Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies, so Lieutenant Gruber can paint a forgery…

What else?

Catchphrase: “You stupid woman!”


Thanks test. Thest.

Filed under: Uncategorized — alloalex @ 20:31

Thanks incest. Thincest.

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